Supporting your mental health as a foster family

Tips for supporting your family’s mental well-being

Lean on your faith

As a faith-based fostering agency, we believe in the power of faith. Not only can faith give you strength in challenging times, but it can also help you connect with people in your community who share the same beliefs as you.

Faith can also remind you that you aren’t alone, that there is a higher power looking out for you, and that only certain things are within your control, which can reduce anxiety. Leaning on your faith can help your whole family get through the ups and downs of life. Whether it’s by reminding you that you aren’t alone, talking to faith leaders for support or reading passages from your religious text, faith can be the comfort you need.

Schedule some quality time

When you’re juggling school drop-offs, family time arrangements, managing a home, training, and more, finding quality time for you, your own children, and the children you foster can feel tricky. However, it’s essential to make sure everyone feels loved, included, and understood.

For your birth children, having a new child move into the house might be exciting at first, but over time, when the novelty has worn off, they may need reminding how much you love them. For your foster children, it might be difficult to feel part of an already established family, and they need quality time with you to help them feel secure.

And when you’re trying to balance everything, finding time for yourself or each other, if you foster as a couple, might fall to the bottom of your priority list. So make each type of quality time part of your routine. That could be just quiet moments that you spend with each child, reading them a story each night, and a moment to talk to your partner after a long day. It could also be the occasional ‘big thing’, such as organising a date night or a special day out with each child.

When you add it to your schedule, you’re more likely to actually do it, which will have a positive impact on your whole family.

Know when to say ‘no’

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your mental health and that of your family is to say ‘no’ to an invite, a favour, or even to something like cooking one evening – basically anything that will push you from the brink of burnout, straight into it.

Knowing when to say ‘no’ is a skill. It’s not selfish; it’s about creating boundaries that protect you and your family’s time and well-being. And by doing so, you’ll also teach the children in your home how to do the same, helping them safeguard their time and energy as they get older.

Routines are your friend

Imagine waking up each morning and just ‘going with the flow’. It’s unlikely that anyone would get to school on time, do their homework, or have time for every little thing that’s involved in a daily routine that you might not even think about.

If bedtimes and set mealtimes didn’t exist, and you never made time for housework, admin, and the other bits you need to do, it would all be a bit chaotic and a disaster for every household member’s mental health.

Whether you’re long-term or short-term fostering, fostering siblings or just one child, routines help everyone in your family know what’s going to happen and when. They also support each child’s sense of stability and safety, while helping you stay on top of everything.

Use hacks to reduce mental load

Regardless of which type of fostering you provide, as a foster parent, you have lots to think about – planning meals, cleaning the home, making sure everyone’s uniforms are ready each morning, grocery shopping, and so much more.

The good news is that there are lots of life hacks that can make your life easier and reduce your mental load, including:

• Shared digital calendars: Giving everyone in your family access to the same calendar reduces the chances of things being forgotten or you being double-booked.
• Home delivery: Get your groceries delivered. Once you’ve done one shop, you can just click on your ‘usuals’ or ‘favourites’, and in a matter of minutes, you’ll have your next delivery scheduled. A lot less time-consuming than heading to the supermarket yourself!
• Meal planning: Save anxiety about what you’ll cook each night by creating a meal plan and sticking to it.
• Give everything a place: There’s nothing worse than spending ages trying to find the scissors, a pen, or some sticky tape, which wastes your precious mental energy and adds to your stress. Instead, make sure everything in your home has a ‘place’ and label things so they’re easy to find.
• Use apps: There’s pretty much an app for everything these days, and some of the best ones out there help you keep on top of housework, finances, and even photographs. Freeing up your brain for more important things.